When ever I hear about partners that happen to be unfaithful on their spouses, the first reaction is to feel for the spouse that does not know. You already know, the one that is living their life in a utopian-type of presence, fooled from the presumption that their spouse is as devoted and faithful to them as they are.
It’s really a comfy feeling, seeing and reading of other couples infidelity issues, not dreaming for a moment that it could be occurring to you.
Until actuality bites…
Cheater | image by Orin Zebest
If the reality of infidelity or doubt has injured your romantic relationship, bite back:
Catch A Spouse Cheating
It might be a gradual feeling of unease, a recognized brief moment of eye-to-eye contact between your spouse and another, a comment out of context by a friend or colleague, a story that doesn’t quite make sense. However in that brief moment, the building blocks of confidence placed in your spouse and marriage begins to crack, and you want to catch a spouse cheating.
Following the initial shock that it could even be taking place, lots of people vow payback, vengeance, and one of the more common tendencies when it comes to payback is the temptation to have an affair in retaliation.
A retaliatory affair would seem the most unlikely thing to do, taking into consideration the agony the first affair caused, nevertheless it looks like it’s a growing phenomenon, at least through the limited research I have done with members who’ve kindly offered feedback. To tell the truth, a retaliatory affair was the last kind of reaction I’d have predicted.
Of course, the anger is real, much like the emotions of hurt and betrayal, but strangely enough many women and men who spoke to me were motivated that they wouldn’t be seen as victims. Far from it, in fact, quite a few were determined to get back and do it in a way that their partner may feel some of the hurt they felt at the time.
Let’s not pretend. All of us have times with our lives when we see someone that we consider to be great looking, either a beautiful face, an attractive smile, a beautifully proportioned body, or perhaps a self-confident demeanor that seemed both charismatic and magnetic. Attractive individuals are everywhere. Yet it might never be expected by us to take our initial attention or attraction with a person to the point where we would consider stepping into a sexual relationship together. All things considered, being married is really a commitment, a promise of fidelity, a vow to honor each other.
We see beauty, but we do not feel the compulsion to act upon it.
Nonetheless when your partner departs from this commitment in such a shocking and hurtful manner, it simply leaves many questioning their beliefs, and even their faithfulness. If their fidelity has ended in them being cheated on and hurt so badly, surely it’s okay to sleep with someone else to ‘even up the score,’ as it were?
That co-worker that’s made fleeting eye contact with you at the copier machine, the store assistant that has inadvertently flirted with you, the friend of a friend that has made a point of conversing with you at parties and comments on your looks, an ex whose information you still have or remember, all of these people are now potential playmates. All things considered, if it’s good enough for your spouse to accomplish it, surely there’s nothing wrong with you carrying it out too?
Usually the one determination of people within this position is always that if they are going to have an affair they will do it better and with someone hotter.
Now I am not saying all victims of cheating end up doing this, because many don’t. Nevertheless the knee-jerk reaction is to get out there and experience an affair too is a common reaction that lots of people seriously consider and follow through.
Your first reaction must be to eliminate all doubt:
But does sleeping with another person truly make the cheating hurt less? Will it make you feel better? Or is it one of those issues you do during the time that you simply later live to regret?
I’m not planning to tell you if it’s right or wrong, as it’s a judgment call that you both are called to produce as you comtemplate a realistic look at infidelity inside your marriage.
But if it is something that you are seriously considering, have you given it a sufficient amount of thought? How will you feel at the moment you’re cheating against your spouse? How are you going to feel after? Are you able to tolerate the knowledge and the consequences of your actions?
For most, it is a ‘yes.’ However for many more, it brings an entire new raft of issues to what is already an emotionally-charged situation.
Interesting thought though. Is retaliation such as an affair okay or not? Might it cause you to feel better or worse?
For further advice and information, check out How to Catch a Cheating Spouse at:
Catch A Spouse Cheating
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