It’s 2:00 in the morning and you’ve only been in bed just long enough to start dozing off. You and your spouse had another big argument and it just seemed to go on forever.
Then, just when you are about to get asleep the baby wakes up. She is hungry and you need to feed her. You grudgingly get up and change her diaper first. Then you warm her bottle and feed her.
Sensing your upset, though, she just doesn’t calm down. You have her dry and clean, she’s drank her bottle and now you’re pacing the floor in the living room trying to get her back to sleep so you can get some much needed rest.
Just as with any other story, there are at least two sides to this one as well. Yes, just as everyone says, having a baby can bring much joy into your life.
Knowing you are responsible for this new human being you’ve brought into the world and celebrating each milestone can be a blast. Watching this new person develop from a demanding, helpless bundle of appetite and defecation into a human being with a personality, quirks and sense of humor all their own can be frustrating, funny, exciting, joyful, annoying and all other emotions combined.
Sometimes these are even going on at the same time, such as the day Jenny first climbs on a bicycle by herself, without training wheels, and zooms off down the sidewalk. You’re proud of her accomplishments, sad to see the signs of her growing up and away from you, worried about her safety, and concerned that she have a good experience with it.
On the other hand, if a marriage is already stressed, whether the stress is due to financial problems, incompatibility or just a growing apart, having a baby is only going to add more stress with the ensuing responsibilities.
Getting pregnant to keep your husband with you seldom if ever works. Not only is he going to resent that you are trapping him, he may also resent the child as well. Conceiving a child does not solve the underlying problems. It may mask them for a while, but the problems are still there, festering under the surface.
Getting pregnant and having a child should be a decision made by both partners. Depending on this new life to solve problems that were there long before its conception is an unrealistic view.
Communication between a husband and wife should be open and problems discussed and dealt with before the baby is even on its way. With existing problems worked out and disposed of, then getting pregnant, having a baby and raising a happy, well-adjusted child can be the joy it was meant to be for you as parents and the child as well.
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